Struggle is struggle
It's been a while since I've been to this little corner of the internet! I'm not sure if I'll continue or not, but I've missed it. I still wonder if I have anything worth saying. I know I can't really say much (or anything) that is truly new, but I think that I can encourage others. I know that a shared life can be encouraging. I know I've found encouragment in blogs written by women with lovely souls. If you're looking for some new blogs to read, I've shared some of my favorites at the end of this post.
Much has changed over the past few months. My baby turned 17 months, then 18 months, and then 19 months. She's been a busy little bee and she's getting to be such fun. She is a major talker. She narrates everything she does and she learns a new word at least everyday. I accidentally taught her "guts" the other day. We were scooping out pumpkin seeds after a wonderful trip to Center Grove Orchard and I told her the seeds were pumpkin guts. Immediate face-palm. Oops.
She's been super into sidewalk chalk and coloring. We started putting her in a cardboard box and giving her crayons. It's a like a toddler trap I swear. And she wants to be in it CONSTANTLY. She asks for "cuyors" (colors) about 500x a day and then demands that we draw circles with her. Circle circle circle. She makes me dizzy.
My handsome man and I have been married for 5 years. It's been long and short, hard and simple. and so completely, absolutely worth it. He's the one my soul loves and longs for. I'm blessed to be on this journey with him. Lizzy adores her daddy too...
Lizzy thought 4:30 was an appropriate wake-up time one day...we did not. So she came to bed with us. Pooooor Jimi. hehehe....sorry baby.
There were a couple of weeks in there that were inexplicably hard. Just so hard. It wasn't anything in particular, but Jimi and I were both so busy with work, being a kind and patient mommy seemed like an impossible task, and I was stressed out by the simplest of to-dos like picking out clothes (thank you Iowa weather for changing every 2 hours) and deciding on meals for the week.
I started reading James:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you face trials of various kinds. For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness; and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
I realized that trials are just trials and struggles are just struggles.
Let me explain.
I'm a chronic comparer. I compare my body to other women and I don't measure up. I compare my life to my friends and I don't measure up. I compare my love to another's and I don't measure up....
I compare my struggles to others' and they seem so...unjustified. I have it good. I know this. I am blessed beyond measure. But a struggle is a struggle and a trial is a trial.
God uses trials of various kinds to produce steadfastness in us. I know that most likely, the greatest trials of my life are still ahead of me.
But if I constantly overlook today's trials, I refuse to let steadfastness have it's full effect in me. I don't allow it to make me perfect and complete. Instead, I reject it and say, "That wasn't a trial, it didn't measure up to the trials of the mommas who have lost their children. To the wives who have lost their husbands. To the refugees who have lost EVERYTHING."
But trials aren't for measuring. Trials are for growing. Trials are hard. Struggle sucks. It just does. And it just is. And realizing that made me feel so free.
I could accept my struggle instead of pretending it was all good because I still had it better than someone else. It was freeing and gave me more compassion for myself and for others. It made me more steadfast and complete and it filled me with JOY. I could count it all joy.
And on the subject of comparison- I don't know who said it, but I love this quote:
Comparison is the theif of joy.
I know this to be true. I fight the urge to compare constantly and I will continue to fight it because I KNOW who I am. I know that I am a daughter of the King. I am loved and made perfect before Him. I don't need to be anything more than that.
I hope you're encouraged and I hope that today you begin to see your struggle for what it is- struggle. Not for comparison or judging, just simply for growing and becoming and finding...joy.
Love you.
-Jen
Oh- one more thing- if you're feeling overwhelmed by meal planning, I wholeheartedly recommend this meal planning services: Huckle & Goose. It's only $10/mo and it simplifies my life so much. I get a meal plan filled with whole, seasonal foods each week. I can make changes, swap out recipes, whatever I want, and then I can view my grocery list and check things off as I shop. So great!
Blogs that I love:
